The bullying happened in the hallways between classes, in the classroom when the teacher wasn’t looking, and especially during lunch. They mocked him. They knocked his books out of his hands, broke his eyeglasses, struck him on the chest, and thumped his ears and neck daily. They stole his food then laughed when he got overwhelmed and frustrated.

Connor started spending his lunch hour hiding in the bathroom to avoid them. He never fought back. For the longest time he never spoke of it. I believe they threatened him not to tell.

Connor had always been very sweet with a childlike innocence.  He had many sensory related meltdowns, but when in a calm environment, his overall disposition was loving and kind.  

Since the bullying, he has struggled with depression, feelings of unworthiness, fear, anger, and distrust. It’s absolutely heartbreaking how much they took from him.

When it all came to light, the school said they would put measures in place to protect him. They didn’t. They claimed they “didn’t have the resources” and the bullies “had rights too” — that moving them to a different lunch table would violate their rights. Their solution of “speaking to the parents” changed nothing.

I was furious! We lived in a “good” school district that brags about its anti-bullying programs, yet they wouldn’t protect my son.

I will never forget when he came home with his glasses crushed — his pain and anguish when asked about it, his internal conflict over whether to tell the truth. It happened on an extracurricular bus that blended all students. We asked to see the bus camera footage. The administration refused and insisted nothing happened on their bus. It was spring and it became clear they just wanted to finish up the year and do nothing.

When he couldn’t take it anymore, Connor started running away from school.

That’s when I had enough. I did two things that made all the difference.

First, I filed charges against the four boys in juvenile court. Fortunately, the judge took Connor’s torment seriously. He actually thought I was being too lenient, as I agreed to them only receiving a stern warning and reprimand from the judge. At the time it felt like the right choice. I didn’t really want to convict 14 yr olds. I just wanted them to leave my son alone. In hindsight, I wish they had faced more serious consequences. I didn’t realize that eight years later, their abuse would still be affecting my son’s mental health.

Second, I sent an email to the school suggesting that my son’s civil rights were being violated. I reminded them that he has the right to attend school free of harassment. Almost immediately, the Resource Officer started walking Connor to class and an aide was placed in the abusive classroom. For lunch, they had Connor eat in an office with a staff member. They never did move the bullies to a different table…

We finished out the school year peacefully, and Connor never set foot in a public school again.

If you’ve ever watched your child’s confidence and self-esteem get crushed by the cruelty of others, you know how deeply it changes them. You know the pain is real. For them and for us as parents.  It’s absolutely soul crushing.

April is Autism Awareness Month, but as parents we need to be advocates all year long. That’s why I created the Navigating Autism Parent Community — a safe, supportive space where we can share our real stories, vent our frustrations, and learn from each other to help our children.

This is my condensed “calm” version of what happened to my son and my battle with the school to protect him. I will share additional details in the community.

If this story resonates with you — if you’re exhausted, angry, scared, or just need to know you’re not alone — come be part of a community who understands what we go through.

Love and hugs,  

Lisa

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